and you wonder how much more –
how much more
can you lose?
how much more can you grieve?
how many more goodbyes forever?
and you think
maybe past a certain point
it’s all loss
moving forward
and you understand
there is no point
and it is all meaningless
in the end
and that realisation can be liberating
or soul destroying
depending on how you choose to see it
but
there is no choice
really
Not yet.
because you’re still fuckin’ angry
and you’re still fuckin’ shocked
and even stunned
that nobody really gives a shit
because they can’t
be anywhere but them
and neither can you be
anywhere but you
really
and there‘s’ no point
pretending anymore
after all this
Truth
because shit just happens
and you’ve seen the emptiness
and there are no gods
or monsters
and nobody’s even running
the show
and it’s still all everything
all at once
and it’s happening despite you
and it will again anyway
and you just gotta roll with it
if you’re being honest
‘cause you can’t control it
or even choose it
when you’re still in it
so No.
there isn’t really a choice at all
if you’re being really honest
yet.
and people ask if it was worth it –
all the seeking and the seeing,
the finding and enlightenment
because they don’t get it yet
and neither do you
if you’re being real about it
or you’d say yeah!
Surely?
but want you wanna say is
the enlightenment is the disillusionment
and it doesn’t make it any better
knowing it
or not
it won’t give you any crispy clean answers
or change what happened
or who and what it made you
and it may even stay
etched on your face
forever
the pain of knowing all this
and getting okay
and down low with all this
and if you’re honest with yourself
you secretly wish you could take it back
and forget it sometimes
forget it all
just to believe in something again.
and then you realise –
that the Nothing means
you’re finally empty
and it really is Now.
At last
It is Now.
And Now means
you get to Create
the anything you wanna make it
because it is all
meaningless in the end
anyway
right?
so why not choose
the life you want to Live
right Now
and just live it already
you’re the only thing standing in your way
Photo by Matt Moloney on Unsplash
